pear personal sphere

you wanna know how i did that?
i've never save anything for a swim back.

........i feel something like heart-broken, just realize now.
the story started 2 days ago but the pain remains.

i can't stop thinking, hoping, praying that the situation will change
i know it's the decent decision i made, ......something right but hurtful

why my life is so ridiculous? things happen at the wrong time and cause dilemma.
my heart goes for the second, but how can i reject the primary T_T

i less enjoy everthing in my life: food music shopping friends company weather ....
it becomes hard than hard to collect myself and appear normal

my imagination joy creativity sense of humour paralyse
i'm close to stagnant lifelessness
no one want to choose the second,
i don't choose the second but i don't understand either why i feeel this way..

and so i'm the most unhappy person now.

'If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay,
the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living.
They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well
or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can.
You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.'

'But there's a reason we recognize Hamlet as a masterpiece: it's that Shakespeare told us the
truth, and people so rarely tell us the truth in this rise and fall here. The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.'

--kurt vonnegut--