pear personal sphere

........i feel something like heart-broken, just realize now.
the story started 2 days ago but the pain remains.

i can't stop thinking, hoping, praying that the situation will change
i know it's the decent decision i made, ......something right but hurtful

why my life is so ridiculous? things happen at the wrong time and cause dilemma.
my heart goes for the second, but how can i reject the primary T_T

i less enjoy everthing in my life: food music shopping friends company weather ....
it becomes hard than hard to collect myself and appear normal

my imagination joy creativity sense of humour paralyse
i'm close to stagnant lifelessness
no one want to choose the second,
i don't choose the second but i don't understand either why i feeel this way..

and so i'm the most unhappy person now.